Crooner Hanek Boezeephus Disintegrated

BFL Commissioner Davesh, associate underlord and personal secretary to our Great Doom Khorne, ordered Orc singer Hanek Boezeephus to pen a song to commemorate the start of the 2008 Bloodlust football season. According to Davesh, "Finish the song by the week two games or else." The last that we heard from Boezeephus he was found wandering the streets of Gnashvul asking passersby, "Wut rime wit Waaagh!"

Boezeephus completed his new football celebration, entitled "Reddee fer Futbol?!?" Let's take a listen:
U reddee?!?
Reddee fer futbol!?!
Reddee fer futbal!?!
Reddee fer futbol?!?
Aargh!
Reddee fer futbol?!?
Reddee fer futbol?!?
Reddee fer Futbol!?!
U reddee?!?
...

Simply poetry in motion. Upon hearing this new Boezeephus hit though, Commissioner Davesh responded, "putrid." Unfortunately for Hanek Boezeephus fans, Davesh disintegrated Boezeephus. Boezeephus' ashes are currently selling in Dark Elf bazaars, where they have become a popular item among Dark Elf ash snorter addicts.

New Players Added

After two weeks of play, several teams have made roster changes to replace the injured, rotting and dying with free agents. The Bloody Vikings! replaced Sven Palomalu's backup runner after he sustained a serious concussion in the Vikings' game with the Holy Terra Warriors. The Vikings added runner Wilhelm Parkur to help their ground attack. In addition to the player exchange, the Bloody Vikings! showered gold upon their adoring fans and newly-bribed fans to keep fan interest high. As one recipient of the Vikings' gold stated, "Haar! A flagon of meade I can now purchase. The Vikings are now bearable to watch. Ho, Bloody Vikings!"

The New Ork Gimpee Limbz released ineffective line orc Blaagh with troll Ort Snortgaggle. Ort may be stupid, but the Limbz owners are not. After having difficulty with the Slaaneshi Libertines and with future games against the Bloody Vikings!, New Ork opted to beef up its line play. Snortgaggle's poor dental hygiene, especially his rotting teeth, makes him particularly nasty. In an interview last season, Ort said that, "[I] hit cuz [I] hurt."

Lastly, the Warpstone Munchers added an unknown rat ogre. The Munchers received more than two times as many casualties in its last game with the New Ork Gimpee Limbz. The Munchers seek to reverse that in its next game. Munchers' coach Clik Clak said that the Munchers are going to shred their future opponents then run to the endzone.

There is no word from the front offices of the Durtee Dawgs, Slaaneshi Libertines and Holy Terra Warriors on any roster changes at this time.

Munchers/Gimpee Limbz Match Ends with Boo's

This is Howwurd Cozell....siss...reporting for the Draco-Lizardman Times. The crowd of 21,000 boo'ed tonight's teams from the field. The Warpstone Munchers and the New Ork Gimpee Limbz...siss...played to a 1 - 1 tie in torrential downpours that soaked the field and caused flooding that delayed the game for several hours during the second half. Hiss. The crowd demanded no excuses, though. One anonymous vampire...siss...fan said, "I vanted keeling...lots an lots uv keeling. Blood. More Blood. Ah ah ha."

The Skaven Munchers took the opening drive in the first half and advanced the ball deep into Limbz territory. Hiss. The Orcs converged on the Skaven ball carriers, scattering them to claim the ball. In the pouring rain...siss...neither side could grab the bouncing ball. After breaking through the line of scrimmage, the Squint Brother line rats tackled the Orc blitzers, freeing runner Sneaker Sneak. Free to run, Sneak collected the ball and dove into the endzone. Hiss...giving the Munchers the 1 - 0 lead.

The Orcs were unable to move the ball during the remainder of the half...hiss. The Limbz chose to beat the Munchers as ferociously as possible. Several Skaven were carried from the field before the half. At the half, the Limbz were seen celebrating the numerous casualties that they had inflicted. Hiss.

When asked about second half strategy, Black Orc Blocker Gruum Endoom exclaimed, "Smash dem. Smash dem good." Upon receiving the ball during the second half kickoff, the Orcs tried to advance the ball up the right side. They were immediately met by skitter skattering Skaven. Despite the rain, the Orcs attempted to pass the ball to the middle of the field. The pass attempt...siss...was broken up. The ball went bounding towards the left sideline and Skaven blitzers. Black Orc Gluum Endoom, line orc Krag Bonez and blitzer Mawrio Killenums charged into the Muncher bunch. Hiss. The ball popped loose, and for several minutes...siss...it bounced between several players that could not grab it. Finally, the Limbz beat down the Muncher playes, and line orc Krag Bonez picked up the ball, charging for the goal line. Waagh went for the endzone and...siss...made it. Touchdown Limbz. 1 - 1.

There were only a few minutes left in the game, but the referee called the game due to heavy flooding. This gave both teams time....hiss...to try to recover their injured and unconscious players. After the rain let up, the Limbz kicked off to the Munchers. The Munchers grabbed the ball and moved down the left side of the field. On the Munchers' pass attempt, the Gutter Runner receiver dropped the ball. It bounced towards the Munchers' endzone. The Limbz formed a gigantic wall at the line of scrimmage...siss. The Limbz clearly wanted several pounds of rat flesh. To no avail, both blocker and blocked hit the pitch. The Munchers returned the favor, doing the same. The rain and mud so fatigued both teams....hiss...that both team collapsed in the mud.

Both teams trudged from the pitch, tied 1 - 1 for the game. Fans booing could be heard...hiss...as far as Heighgart. Will fan backlash result in less turnout for each team? The Limbz have already taken a hit from lost ticket sales...siss...because of their last tie to the Slaaneshi Libertines. Both the Limbz and the Munchers may lose gold because of the ending for this game.....Hiss.

This is Howwurd Cozell....hiss...reporting from New Ork. Hiss. Stay tuned for more...siss....BFL coverage. Hiss.

Norse Go South in Loss to Warriors

Hello, BFL fans. Booyah Scott with all of your Bloodlust Live highlights. Tonight's match...the Bloody Vikings! versus the Holy Terra Warriors. Booyah! The Bloody Vikings! were supposed to deliver killing blows to the Holy Terra Warriors, but the Warriors met every blow and returned them in equal measure. The Vikings could not move the ball on all but one of their drives, and this inability led to the human Warriors winning this Tuesday night match, 2 - 1. Let's check the highlights after a word from our sponsor. Booyah!

[Commercial]

John: Why can't I get a clear picture of the Bloodlust Bowl?

Frank: Have you tried Wizard Ears?

John: What's that?

Frank: Wizard Ears is the newest in magick communications. Simply attach both Wizard Ears to your CBS (crystal ball of seeing), and voila! The latest broadcast from the seers at Bloodlust Football Network comes in clear as day. What's better? You get a certificate of authenticity with the name of the Wizard, who gave his ears to help you see the next game better.

John: Wow! Thanks, Wizard Ears, now I can watch the game like I was there.

[Both turn and give thumbs up to screen.]

[/Commercial]

The Warriors came out with an interesting strategy. On every play, regardless whether on offense or defense, the Warriors stacked the line of scrimmage. Nearly every player except the team's thrower lined up on the midway pitch line. The Vikings staggered their players, keeping several in reserve in case of a breakthrough at the line of scrimmage. Despite the Norse having a physical advantage over the humans, the Warriors used sheer numbers to overwhelm the Vikings. The Vikings capitalized on this "overwhelm the line" strategy during the first half by getting the ball downfield with a great pass from Bradshaw and tough running from Sven Palomalu and "Lucky" Dreizehn. The Norsemen took out the Warriors' lone opposition and powered the ball into the endzone. Booyah! Touchdown!

There were considerable groans from among the human fans in the crowd of 24,000. Of note, fans questioned why the Warriors sent three players downfield to receive when there was little chance for the Warriors to recover the ball and make the pass to them. The Warriors were outnumbered three to one on their side of the pitch, and the move left many scratching their heads. The Warriors' coach, Trott, stuck to his gameplan, and the Warriors owned the second half.

The Warriors took momentum early in the second half, passing the ball downfield and using the human catchers and blitzers' superior speed to outrun the Norsemen. The Warriors first score of the game was barely with effort. Booyah! Trott continued to exploit the Vikings' fatigue and slower footspeed. The Vikings were also hamstrung by three player ejections caused by the Norsemen attempting to kick Warriors when they were down. (The Vikings have had eight(!!!) players ejected over the course of two games.) Using their blocks selectively, the Warriors maneuvered down the right sideline for their second score. Similar to the first, the Warriors went into the endzone untouched. Meanwhile, Norse bodies were left laying at the line of scrimmage or in outmatched pursuit. Booyah!

In the waning moments of the game, the Warriors stole the ball from the Vikings and could have pushed in another touchdown. Booyah! Alas, Trott chose to sit on the ball and take the 2 - 1 victory. Vikings' coach Gavlak said after the game that, "we played better than our first game, but we've got to cause more injuries when we're the stronger team." Vikings' star, Sven Palomalu, ejected during the game, was visibly angry, severely beating several fans who berated his play. Both fans are believed dead. Booyah!

The win puts the Warriors into the W column. For the Vikings, they fall to 0-1-1 and are left with a sour taste in their mouths from being "out toughed". Booyah! Overall, a solid second game and a building block as the BFL continues its marathon to name its champion of the Bloodlust Cup. This is Booyah Scott for BFL Live! and the BFN. Booyah!

Libertines Beat Tie Out of New Ork

Welcome back, football fans. Broadcasting from the Wizard's Keep Campus in Nettycut, we have all of the details on our most recent game. Following its gutty 2 - 2 battle against the Bloody Vikings!, the Slaaneshi Libertines returned to action in its second game against the New Ork Gimpee Limbz. A slow start to the game eventually yielded to a 1 - 1 nailbiter. Our sponsor for this game recap is the Orcland Gnaw Shop. "From hands to feet, the Orcland Gnaw Shop has all of the amputated limbs to meet your gnawing needs."

Before the game, the Gimpee Limbz defecated on the Slaaneshi midfield logo. Whether this was intentional or the result of bad beans, we don't know. New Ork won the toss and elected to receive in the first half. Play developed slowly as the Limbz bobbled the ball, bouncing it across their half of the field. On the line of scrimmage, the tone of the game was set early as Black Orc Blitzer brothers, Gluum Endoom and Gruum Endoom, began slugging it out with their Libertine Chaos Warrior equals. Moving up the right side, Limbz thrower, Flenger Faar tossed the ball to blitzer, Thum Upsnoz. With some linemen and blitzer help, Upsnoz took off, hugging the left sideline. Libertine beastmen quickly converged on the advancing orcs. After a few knockdowns that rattled the ball loose, Upsnoz recovered the ball and charged into the Libertine endzone.

From here, the rest of the game became a protracted melee. The Libertines' beastmen lowered their heads and used their horns to repeatedly attack the Limbz Black Orcs and blitzers. The first half ended with the Limbz up 1 - 0, but turning from green to purple because of the massive bruising given by the Libertines.

The second half resembled the end of the first half. As the second half wore on, the Libertines forced the ball into the Limbz half of the field. When asked about his team's strategy, Libertines' coach Cobol murmured several strange incantations. We believe them to be Slaanesh curses, largely due to the boils that began to appear on our faces, necks, arms, feet, backs and legs. None of the Libertines' beastmen were intelligible enough for interview. The chaos warriors simply frightened us too much.

With several Limbz players knocked out or badly injured, the Libertines' chaos warriors continued to sit the Black Orcs on the turf. Instead of the typical orc "Waagh!" battlecry, many of the Orcs were whimpering "Waaah!". A general scrum erupted near the Limbz goal line. With time expiring, the Libertines broke through the mass of green skin and grabbed the ball. Dodging out of the battling ballers, one of the Libertine beastmen dove into the endzone. The 1 - 1 final score punctuated the physical nature of this match and of this year's Bloodlust Football League.

When asked about the Orcs being "out toughed", blitzer Snotz M'kfawlee promptly killed our reporter. The New Ork coach refused interview, obviously angry over the end of the game. Highlighting the many Orc injuries, we have an updated injury report. Orc blitzers, Thum Upsnoz and Mawrio Killenums, have been diagnosed with niggling injuries. This could shorten their playing careers and makes them more susceptible to mortal injuries. When asked to comment on the many injuries from this match, BFL Commissioner Davesh stated, "May they die sooner than later. Praise Khorne."

See you next time, BFL fans!

Conversation with the Commish

Welcome back to BFL Live, I am Booyah Scot. BFL Live crawled under a rock to get our next interview with BFL Commissioner Davesh, associate underlord and personal secretary to...(muffled)Do I really have to say this every time?!?(muffled)...to Our Great Doom Khorne. Let's hear what the Commish has to say about rough play, penalties and aging player. Booyah!

BFL: Commissioner, thank you for the interview. How is the Bloodlust Football League progressing since opening week?

Davesh: All is wretched in this abysmal world, but ticket sales have been brisk, and scalping has never brought higher prices. The elven scalps have been especially sought after, particularly by the Lizardmen of K'mer. Our first league death brought me much satisfaction. May we see especially gruesome dismemberment of wholesale teams. Praise, Khorne.

BFL: What are some of the new rules regarding the use of Secret Weapons this season?

Davesh: Instead of kicking these players out, we will require sight verification by the refs. Before each kickoff excluding the kickoff at the start of the game, a Penalty Roll will be assessed against each Secret Weapon player that was used on the last drive. If the roll is high enough, the referee saw the player using his weapon. The player will be immediately banished. Just because the player has a Secret Weapon does not mean that he will use it. We encourage all of our players with Secret Weapons, such as bombs, chainsaws and pogo sticks, to use them...early and often. Praise, Khorne.

BFL: Any rules changes for Star Player Points?

Davesh: Yes. Because the current FBL season is only ten games, plus a playoff, I have enacted the following changes. Players receive Star Player Points for Casualties if the player's block succeeds in piercing his victim's armor, except on Foul Actions. It does not matter if a player is stunned, knocked out, seriously injured or killed, the blocker will receive points for it being a Casualty. This will accelerate the development of our players during this short season. We hope for mostly maiming and death. Praise, Khorne.

BFL: What about Aging?

Davesh: Because of the magicks associated with quicker player development, players may age more quickly during the season. Players must check against Aging when they gain a new skill or trait. This follows the FBL's 2002 League Rules. The 2002 season was quite excellent. Upon winning the Bloodlust Cup, the Auchsley Reavers disintegrated into dust. Apparently the league magicks sped up their bodies too much. It was quite a spectacular sight watching the recipients of the Bloodlust Cup use it as their urn. Praise, Khorne.

BFL: Commissioner, thank you for your time.

Davesh: May your soul be splayed across the pitch to be eaten by crows. Praise, Khorne.

...Booyah! That was BFL Commissioner Davesh, associate underlord and personal secretary to Our Great Doom, Khorne. Tune in tomorrow as we get the results for the New Ork Gimpee Limbz versus Slaaneshi Libertines game. Booyah! This is Booyah Scott for BFL Live. Booyah!

Vikings and Libertines Get Bloody in Tie

Thanks for joining us tonight for our first Tuesday Night Football broadcast, a 2 - 2 battle between the Norse and Chaos. Our sponsor for tonight's game between the Bloody Vikings! and the Slaaneshi Libertines is Visit the Great Norde. "Travel to the great white Norde." Also...Nordic Express. "Yes, we do hate Kapital Wan. They're NOT in our wallets!!! Nordic Express. Don't go pillaging without it!"

Hello, BFL fans. This is Bri'k Mouseberg'r. We're talking with Vikings coach Gavlak to get his thoughts on his team's first game against the bruising Slaaneshi Libertines.

BFL: Coach, what did you think about the early part of the game tonight?

Gavlak: At first, I thought that I was going to get butchered, but things went pretty smoothly. The Slaaneshi got to the infamous one foot line until one of my throwers, Bradshaw, pushed him into a section of Norde fans, which beat the crap out of his guy. Haar! Haar! The Libertine eventually scored, but then the following kickoff went out of bounds.

BFL: That must have looked like a great opportunity for the Vikings, right?

Gavlak: My best runner Sven Polamalu got a nice block from Hamm and ran away for a quick score to tie the game. After he quit screaming and beating his chest, I told him to celebrate with a tradtional Nordic leap into the Vikings fan section, making sure he did not get hurt by Nordic fans' warhammers. Unfortunately, we kicked off, and the Libertines made a score just before the first half cannon went off. 2 - 1 Libertines.

BFL: Were you worried to start the half? Chaos was moving the ball well.

Gavlak: Norsemen do not worry. We get angry. We got the ball in the second half and dropped it early deep in our territory. Chaos picked up the ball quickly, but with his one Chaos player against our four and his guys moving slow, we got the ball back quickly and moved it downfield, while distracting his men with pretty blow up dolls of cheerleaders. Beastmen are SO stupid.

Gavlak: Instead of going for a touchdown with my linemen "Lucky" Dreizehn, Dreizehn tried to handoff to Sven Polamalu; he dropped it. Seeing that the jig was up (and gone!) with the distraction, we [Vikings] had to do something. Sven Polamalu threw a hard foul resulting in the Vikings' fifth ejection. OUCH!

BFL: Five ejections!?! That must be a FBL record. The Libertines must have had some home cooking with the refs. What next?

Gavlak: Before Polamalu went out the game, he KILLED(!!!) the player he fouled and threw the corpse to the Bloody Vikings! fans. They feasted on and looted his corpse. Let our opponents' blood stain the stands! Remember, pillaging has no boundaries. We eventually scored to tie the game at 2 - 2, and that was the end result.

BFL: That's amazing. The BFL's first death of the season. Thoughts on the future Coach?

Gavlak: I have a new assistant coach, Bill "the Wise" Cowher and Helga's sexy twin sister, Hilda, as a cheerleader. Don't flirt with Hilda because Helga bashed the one guy that landed on her lap and took his wallet. She found Kapital Wan inside and promptly beat him to death with her mailed breasts. We added his petty cash to our team earnings, 20,000 gold. Haar! It's good to be a Bloody Viking!

BFL: Thanks, Coach, for the recap. This has been Bri'k Mouseberg'r for FBL. See you next week, Bloodlust fans!

Holy Terra! Munchers Outlast Warriors

The Warpstone Munchers skitter-skattered past the upstart Holy Terra Warriors during the opening weekend morning game. Both teams played tentatively, searching for weaknesses and hitting each other to cause weaknesses. In the end however, the Skaven outraced the Humans to the endzone en route to a 2 - 1 victory.

The tone of the game was set midway through the first half when the ball went bouncing throughout the Munchers half of the pitch. The Warriors' blitzers ran through the line of scrimmage to grab the ball and make a break for the endzone. No sooner than the ball was in hand, the Munchers swarmed over the humans. A general scrum ensued. Bodies went flying. The ball went bouncing, and eventually, the Munchers' "Fumbles" Snicker Snik darted out of the pile, launching the ball downfield. A great grab by Spittle Skank, and the Munchers were off to the races. By the time that the Warriors peered out of the body pile, the Munchers had scored.

The remainder of the half was scoreless, but the second half showed some excitement. The human Warriors used their brawn to force the ball down field. Tying up the Munchers on the lin of scrimmage, the Warriors ran the ball in with 1/3 of the game left. The Munchers were not to be outdone, though. Working together, the Skaven worked the ball downfield, running past the Warriors and lobbing the ball over head. With time expiring, the Munchers slid into the endzone to take a 2 - 1 lead. With only the kickoff left, the Warriors tried a few quick moves of their own, but found that the Munchers had tied their blitzers' shoelaces together. Down went the racer, and out came the ball. Turnover and game over.

Neither team exited the game with many injuries, and both teams did not live up to their potential. If one thing is for certain, the crowd of 24,000 left satisfied, but that may have been the result of several overzealous Trolls that began roasting the goblin vendors...literally...in their section. Next time, the Holy Terra Warriors and the Warpstone Munchers won't be as cautious...and then today's sprint will become a marathon!

Durtee Dawgz Gimped by New Ork

The New Ork Gimpee Limbz faced off against goblin-team, the Durtee Dawgz, on a beautiful, clean day that was marked by a lot of dirty play.  The Dawgz sustained few injuries, but multiple ejections during the opening weekend match.  The goblins wielded chain saws and lobbed bombs and each other across the pitch.  None of that mattered, though, because the Gimpee Limbz ran around and threw over their stunty, green opponents.

The Limbz powered the ball into the endzone on the ground for the first score of the game.  The Limbz scored again midway through the first half on a long pass from Limbz blitzer, Maawrio Killenums, to blitzer Thum Upsnoz.  Down 2 - 0, the Dawgs abandoned attempting to score to focus on inflicting as much pain as possible.  Unfortunately for the Dawgz, their bomb lobber's bombs either exploded before the toss or detonated near Dawgz players when the throws went errant.  The Dawgz also set their two trolls loose to little effect.  When asked about their poor performance, both trolls scratched their heads, picked their noses and replied, "Huh?"

During the second half, the Limbz pounded another TD onto the board on the ground.  Feeling the urgency to score, the Dawgz troll, Boogah Dreep, ignored his desire to eat his goblin teammates and hurled a teammate downfield.  After a miracle long bomb pass, the hurled goblin picked himself up, dusted himself off and rain into the endzone to score.  The scoring goblin player's name is unknown.  He was lost in a cloud of dust caused by his impact upon hitting the pitch.

The lightning quick score was the only highlight of the game for the Dawgz.  The Limbz put the ball into the endzone once more to tally the match's final score, 4 - 1.  Oddly, the orcs never inflicted a single serious injury.  On the sidelines, Black Orc Blitzers Gruum Endoom and Gluum Endoom sobbed a quiet "Waaagh" because of the lack of injuries caused.  For the rest of the New Ork team, it was the first win on the 2008 BFL season.  

Meet the Warpstone Munchers...

"Hello, FBL fans!  This is Bri'k Mouseberg'r, and this... is...FBL...Live."

"Today, we get up and personal with the newest Bloodlust League team, the...Warpstone Munchers."

Official Team Slogan - "We are the Munchers!  You are the munchies!"

 

Sponsored by Grey Slime Warpstone  - "If your warpstone isn't covered in an oily grey film, it isn't top quality warpstone!"

 

Formerly known as the "Brown Rot Snivelers", the "Warpstone Munchers" no longer have any Plague Monk team members (at their sponsor's request).

Formerly members of the Backwater Skaven Trident & Anchor Bowl league (Back STAB league).  Never having won the "Old Rusty Trident" trophy or the second place "Barnacle covered Anchor", the team has decided to reinvent itself and move to the much classier Bloodlust league with an all rookie team.

 

Meet the team:

Team captain -  and Blitzer - Spittle "Wheel Runner" Skank

"Buy Grey Slime Warpstone for top quality mutations!"

Blitzer - Squeaky Hotfoot

"Buy Grey Slime Warpstone, it's sparkly!" 

The Throwers  - Long Bomb Short-tail   and "Fumbles" Snicker Snick

"Try Grey Slime Warpstone in new Limburger flavor!!"

The Gutter Runners  - Sneaker Sneak and "Creeper" Skitter Skat

"Buy Grey Slime Warpstone, it's crunchier!" 

The Linerats - The Skitter Squint quints - Brother 1, Brother 2, Brother 3, Brother 4, and Other Brother 3

"Buy Grey Slime Warpstone it's shinier!", "It's greener!", "It's tastier!", "Wat he said!", "Yea!!"

This message has been brought to you by Grey Slime Warpstone. 

The sponsor is not responsible for atrocities committed by our spokesrats.

"That's all for now, FBL fans.  Tune in tomorrow for another episode of FBL Live.  For all at FBL Live, I am...Bri'k Mouseberg'r.  So...long...everybody!  (wave)"

Are You Ready for Some Fantasy Football?

Hello, football hooligans!  The gates have opened, and the turnstiles are turning.  Commissioner Davesh, associate Underlord and secretary to the Great Doom Khorne, proclaimed Opening Weekend kickoffs for the 2008 Bloodlust Football League.  In celebration of this momentous occasion, Commissioner Davesh ordered Orc crooner, Hanek Boezeefus, to pen a new ballad by the week two games....or else.  When asked about his new song, Hanek replied, "Wut rime wit 'WAAAAAAAGH'!"  

Six teams signed on to play for the great Bloodlust cup.  The Norsemen's Bloody Vikings!.  The Skaven's Warpstone Munchers.  The Goblins' Durtee Dawgz.  The Humans' Holy Terra Warrriors.  The Orcs' New Ork Gimpee Limbz.  The Chaos Lords' Slaaneshi Libertines.

Stay tuned for the first games:  The Munchers v. The Holy Terra Warriors and The Gimpee Limbz v. The Durtee Dawgz.  The Bloody Vikings! and Slaaneshi Libertines will play in the FBL's inaugural Tuesday Night Football games.  Commissioner Davesh wishes great injury and suffering to all the participants.