Wednesday, April 21, 2010

A Message from Ex-Commish Davesh

     Welcome to BFN's "Under the helmet".  This is Booyah Scott.  A loss of broadcast rights.  A season interrupted.  A scandal that toppled a commissioner.  What happened to the 2008 Bloodlust Football League season?  We have the exclusive interview with former BFL commissioner Davesh that sheds light on what happened to the 2008 season.  Next on "Under the helmet".  Let's get started.  Booyah!

BS:  Thank you, Commissioner, for sitting down with us.  First, how has retirement been treating you?
Davesh:  It is a daily grind made more unbearable by the incessant droning of my shrew wife.  May she die a painful death.  Praise, Khorne!

BS:  *cough*  Umm...thank you.  Why did the 2008 season abruptly end?
Davesh:  I was accused of impartiality and bribery.  Several teams were inculcated in a gambling ring, and I was accused of receiving kickbacks to look the other way.
BS:  Were these charges true?
Davesh:  Yep.  Praise Khorne!

Davesh:  Several teams, such as the Bloody Vikings, received in game advice that led them to victory.  What glorious chaos was caused!  But to cover my impropriety I diverted broadcast profits and gate receipts to silence the losers.  How Khorne scorns them!

Davesh:  Teams, like the Keldagrim Reapers and New Ork Skullcrushaz, engaged in point-shaving and gambling on games.  Before a full investigation could be mounted by BFL auditors, both teams left the league.  They were quickly followed by Goon, Warpstone Munchers and Da Durtee Dawgz.  That wasn't the last straw, though.

Davesh:  In the final insult to the BFL, the Slaaneshi Libertines violated league policy in a matter that we shall simply call the "Bring your livestock to work" scandal.  Damn Slaaneshi.  Praise, Khorne!  The league collapsed.

BS:  Ah, the "bring your livestock to work" scandal.  Unfortunate.  So what happened to the 2008 results?
Davesh:  The results of the season were vacated.

BS:  Who replaced you, and where is the BFL going from here?
Davesh:  I was forced out.  My insolent, pathetic brother Davos agreed to become the new commissioner.  How I loathe that itinerant bean pusher.  A worm of a man.  He worships at the altar of Tzeentch.  Disgusting.  Praise Khorne!

Davesh:  Davos immediately moved the BFL seasons to summers and limited league membership to no more than eight teams.  A few teams returned from the 2008 season, such as the Bloody Vikings, Chaos Chris and Holy Terra Warriors.  Otherwise, the league roster was new.  The smaller, rejuvenated league did very well during the 2009 season, and it appears that 2010 will begin on a high note.  Curse you, Davos!  Praise Khorne!

BS:  Thank you for the interview, ex-commissioner.  So there you have it, folks.  The dirt behind the prematurely terminated 2008 BFL season and the exit of Davesh from the BFL. As the ex-commissioner pointed out, the 2009 season was a great success.  As we tool up for the 2010 season, BFN will recap the 2009 season with highlights and interviews.  Stay tuned for more.  This is Booyah Scott for BFN.  Booyah!

Sunday, April 4, 2010

BFL...Where Have You Gone?!?

Ah, life...a wonderful thing filled with joy, heartache, work and relaxation.
Did I mention work? A lot of work. Sometimes work overtakes pleasure. In my case, work overtook my updating and maintaining the BFL site and compressed my free time into periods fraught with opportunity costs. Do I update the BFL site? Do I attend a real football game? Do I paint minis for Blood Bowl or one of the myriad other games that I play? Or do I actually play the games that I love?!? Tough choices.

When push came to shove, I chose the latter.

So the big questions:
Does BFL still exist??? An emphatic YES!

How did the Fall 2008 season end?
I will tell that tale in a future posting from ex-Commissioner Davesh. ;-)

Was there a 2009 season?
Yes! Mike Praw's Chaos Dwarf team, different from his 2008 Chaos Dwarf team, won the Bloodlust Cup. There's a photo of the proud champion somewhere...

Will there be a 2010 season?
Yes! The 2010 season will start May 2010. The playoffs and championship game will be held the second week of August 2010.

Where will the 2010 season be held?
Hypermind in Burlington, N.C. is still the home for the Bloodlust Football League. There are friends/players, however, that live in Raleigh, N.C., and they have expressed interest in joining. Could this lead to a two store/two division league? Very possibly.

So after a work-induced hiatus, I post again.
BFL is alive and well...and most importantly, BFL is back!
Stay tuned for new messages from ex-Commissioner Davesh.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Saturday Double Header Dynamics

Saturday was frought with peril for BFL's wizardcaster Nehemiah the Strained Thought. The BFL covered two games simultaneously: Bloody Vikings! vs. Disembowlers and Holy Terra Warriors vs. New Ork Skullcrushaz. This required that Nehemiah be teleported between each game repeatedly by the witch sisters Foxe and Abbye. Unfortunately, Nehemiah disappeared into the aether on a return trip to the Disembowlers' stadium. Apparently, Abbye became distracted by particularly gruesome decapitation by Disembowler minotaur Smash and failed to reel Nehemiah out of the teleport. If you would like to join the BFL's wizardcast team, please contact Commissioner Davesh, associate underlord and personal secretary to Our Great Doom Khorne. On to the games highlights...

For New Ork, things started well, but ended poorly. The Skullcrushaz and Warriors' game was a rematch from two weeks ago, a controversial game where Warriors' fans rioted twice and invaded the pitch. New Ork took the opening kickoff and drove the ball down the field for a quick touchdown. Holy Terra played a weak defense, close to the line of scrimmage, and this hurt them early.

Things quickly turned in Holy Terra's favor. On the next kickoff, Holy Terra pushed the ball into to the Skullcrushaz half of the pitch. The Warriors exploded out of their patented "I" formation, using catchers and blitzers to take the lead. This invasion was not met in force because the Warrior's newest player, Ogre "Big Head" Todd, distracted much of New Ork's linemen. Unfortunately, "Big Head" failed to actively earn that recognition, mostly falling flat on his back or standing idly, flinging boogers. The Orcs failed to flatten the fastest humans especially uber-Warrior, Blitzer "Grim Reaper" Granger, with their back-positioned blitzers. Granger evaded New Ork tackle zones and darted through the melees to pick up the bouncing ball. Unable to keep Granger down, the human blitzer scooted into the endzone to tie the game, 1-1. The first half ended with New Ork's players bobbling the ball around the pitch.

Holy Terra received the ball to begin the second half and picked up where they left off. So did the Warriors' lunatic fans, the Holy Terra Hooligans. Hooligans threw rocks at New Ork players, knocking Black Orc Gruum Endoom out. Down to one Black Orc, Holy Terra pushed en masse towards the Orc endzone. Quickly, the ball was flitted into the endzone and caught by pitcher "Icemand" Ingwald, and Holy Terra had its first lead of the game.

The lead was shortlived, though. New Ork punched the ball up the center of the field with a cage of greenskins, surrounding new New Orker Luhkee Sefen. Once again, the score was tied, 2-2. Holy Terra took advantage of a riot by its Hooligan fans, which stunned or knocked out several New Ork players. Down several players, New Ork battled ferociously for the ball...on its side of the pitch. Unfortunately, dropped handoffs and fumbled pass attempts by New Ork led to Holy Terra's ball recovery. Into the endzone went "Grim Reaper" Granger...again. Holy Terra once again had a lead, 3-2.

The last minutes of the game were a mad scramble for the endzone by New Ork. The ball had been hurled towards the endzone by blitzer Snotz M'kfawlee. Dropped by lineorc Wan Eye, humans pounced on Wan Eye and the ball. Holy Terra threw the ball from the endzone, but Black Ork Gruum Endoom made a miraculous interception. Gruum Endoom darted out of the Holy Terra tackle zone and threw the ball downfield. It was far enough. It was accurate enough. It was dropped. Bouncing away from the orcs, the game ended, and Holy Terra had upset the league-leading New Ork Skullcrushaz.

It was an amazing victory for Holy Terra. Despite the 3-2 win, New Ork killed Holy Terra lineman "Blade" Burr. New Ork players simply stood around, too stupid to understand what had happened. Eventually, the team beat lineorc Wan Eye into oblivion for the drops in the endzone. R.I.P. Wan Eye.

The Bloody Vikings! and Disembowlers' game was somewhat more orderly. Throughout the first half, both teams ignored the ball, beating each other as viciously as they could. The Disembowlers' minotaur Smash got the better of the norsemen, beating, breaking and busting the Vikings across the pitch.

The second half went differently. The Disembowlers pushed the ball down the field, and the uniquely agile hobgoblin Thudd rumbled into the endzone. Despite the Vikings' great blocking skills, minotaur Smash made all the difference. As the Bloody Vikings' received the kickoff, Smash went to work. The Vikings tried to go around, but chaos dwarfs and Smash caught them. The Vikings tried to go up the middle, but the Disembowlers were waiting there, too. The Vikings tried to hang back, but Smash and the Disembowlers plowed their way into the Vikings' line. The Vikings made no progress and eventually lost control of the ball to the Disembowlers. The Disembowlers sat on the ball, having Smash beat up Vikings for the remainder of the match.

The clock ticked to all zeroes, and the Disembowlers took the game with the only score of the game, 1 - 0. There wasn't much good to report for the Bloody Vikings! The Disembowlers' minotaur, Smash, continued to rack up accolades with his incredible play. At the rate that Smash continues to grow as a player, he may become a Bloodlust Football League Legend within the next three games. Will the wear and tear slow him down? Stay tuned for more Bloodlust Football League action!

Sunday, November 9, 2008

Munchers & Vikings Rumble!

U watchin' BLF...uh...BFL Live.  This Ditka.  Kill Woghart kids.  Cave troll set free.  Bollocks up Wizurdcast.  Ditka kill you kids.  Ditka kill U!  Hi litez now.  Roll hi litez er Ditka smash!

Okay...thanks, Coach Ditka.  This is Boomer Berman.  It was perfect weather for the Warpstone Munchers and Bloody Vikings! game, but as Coach Ditka alluded, the students at the Wogharts School of Magic accidentally released a cave troll before the game.  Poor Nehemiah the Strained Thought, our wizardcaster for today's game, passed out during the cave troll's rampage.  Thus, we lost the transmission of the first half of the game.  Thankfully, poor Nehemiah awoke in time for the second half.  Let's pick up there.

At the start of the second half, the Vikings led 1-0 and had controlled much of the first half.  The Vikings used their strength and superior blocking skills to knock the Munchers around.  Line rat Squint Brother #3 and thrower Snicker Snik were knocked out in the first half melee.  In the second half, the Vikings, as they have done all season, got sucked into a shoving match and lost sight of scoring.  As a result, the Munchers sped past the berserker Vikings and tied the game, 1-1.

On the ensuing kickoff, the Vikings pulled the ball back onto their half of the pitch.  The Vikings tried to establish a wall of bodies before pushing forward.  Unfortunately, the Munchers' Rat Ogre, Whiskers, went wild.  Crashing into the center of the Vikings' line, Whiskers threw Norse bodies left and right as he charged forward.  Following Whiskers, gutter runners Sneaker Sneak and Skitter Skat chased down the bouncing ball.  With each Whiskers' punch, Vikings hit the pitch, sending the ball flying.  Evetually, the ball landed in Skitter Skat's paws.  Skat scurried into the endzone for the game winning touchdown.  

With little time left on the clock, the Vikings could not convert.  That's your final score, BFL fans, Munchers 2 and Vikings 1.  The Munchers roll on towards the playoffs.  Next up for the Munchers: the newest BFL team, the Disembowlers---but after the Bloody Vikings! have played the Disembowlers.  Back to Coach Ditka.


Friday, November 7, 2008

Disembowlers Destroy Warriors in Introduction

Welcome back, BFL fans. This is Booyah Scott, and Booyah! The Bloodlust Football League continues to expand as many teams hit the midway point in the Winter 2008 season. This week debuted the Chaos Dwarf team, Disembowlers, coached by the enigmatic El Warpo. For a new team, the Disembowlers wasted no time gutting their opponent, the veteran Holy Terra Warriors. In typical Warrior fashion, there wasn't much defense, and the Disembowlers romped, 3-1. Let's catch up with some highlights. Booyah!

The Disembowlers' minotaur, Smash, anchored the center of the line of scrimmage most of the game. From the kickoff forward, Smash pounded his way through the Warriors' line. Bellowing a blood curtling beserker rage, many Warriors' fans, often vociferously angry, pissed their breeches---Good thing H.T.W. Stadium recently installed a urine trough that runs in front of the bleacher seats for collective relief. Booyah!

No one from Holy Terra had a chance. Holy Terra bodies went flying towards Willy and Nilly, the H.T.W. Stadium medical team. Willy and Nilly could not keep up with the number of human casualties, and by the end of the first half, two Warriors---Blade and Undertaker Ullther---were out of the game. Unfortunately for the Warriors, their blows bounced off of the the resilient minotaur and dwarven hides.

With knock outs and game ending injuries starting to mount, the Disembowlers' hobgoblin, Twinkle Toes, carried the ball into the endzone for a touchdown. Still resolved to fight, the Warriors lined up in their patented "I formation". Sprinting down the sideline, blitzers and blockers cleared the way for catcher Crazy Legs to bolt into the endzone. Clearly, the humans' speed could counter the Disembowlers' power. But Holy Terra did not press this advantage.

In the second half, Holy Terra tried desperately to lob the ball downfield to players often surrounded by Disembowlers. The Disembowlers' defense played like flies on minotaur poop---which reminds me: [Today's BFL Live! sponsor is Gorgon, natural minotaur fertilizer. Don't plant your wolfsbane gardens without it! That's Gorgon!]

Every Warrior pass went awry as the Disembowlers smashed Holy Terra to the pitch and into the stands, where they were promptly beaten up by unhappy Holy Terra Hooligans. With no Warriors back on D, Disembowlers' hobgoblins, Swifty and Thudd, each rumbled and stumbled into the endzone for the score. Booyah!

Once again, a lack of physicality and playing to the opponent's strength doomed Holy Terra. For the Disembowlers, welcome to the BFL, and congratulations on the first win. Next up, the Disembowlers have a tough match with the Bloody Vikings!, and the Holy Terra Warriors play their second match of the season with the New Ork Skullcrushaz. For now, this is Booyah Scott for BFL Live! See you soon. Booyah!

Stats Updated, November 7

Halfing scribe and Guiness Pint Record Holder for best tabulations while drunk, Phineus Phallow, continues to transcribe the Bloodlust League's weekly stats.  The addition of the Chaos Chris and newest BFL team, the Chaos Dwarf Disembowlers, has doubled his workload.  

To assist Phallow in his record keeping, he has hired several gnome from the Mechanical Numbers House, Bookkeepers.  This is the second set of assistants to be hired.  The first assistants were a pair of dubious Goblins from Da Broken Bet.  Unfortunately, both were found dead after shorting several Chaos Warriors, to whom they owed considerable sums of money.

We will have updates from the past weeks games shortly.  Stay tuned for more BFL highlights and lowlights, including a possible scandal involving Commissioner Davesh?

Saturday, October 25, 2008

New Ork Roughs Up Holy Terra

It was a beautiful Saturday for football, but the Holy Terra Warriors saw the ugly side of the New Ork Skullcrushaz. New Ork, without two players after their last game with Chaos Chris, knocked six Warriors out of the game. Two Warriors won't be back for the next game. Another three Warriors were unconscious for varying lengths of the game. Without players and unable to control the line of scrimmage, New Ork pounded the ball into the endzone three times, winning 3 - 1. A crowd of 21000 were on hand at H.T.W. Stadium for the game, and let's check today's highlights.

Holy Terra takes the first kickoff and drives the ball up the left sideline. One of the Warriors catchers takes a short pass and pushes the ball to within two meters from the New Ork goal line. Orc thrower Flenger Faar, in for the injured blitzer Mawrio Killenums and playing back on defense, makes the TD saving block. The ball squirts towards Warriors blitzer Grimwulf "Grim Reaper" Granger, who promptly scoops up the ball. Granger darts between Faar and another Orc linemen and scored the first touchdown of the game. Unfortunately for Holy Terra, they aren't known for defense, and New Ork owns rest of the game.

On the ensuing kickoff, the Skullcrushaz roll their blitzers and Black Orc towards the right sideline. Using their superior strength and blocking skills, New Ork put nearly all of the Warriors onto the pitch. New Orc blitzer Luhkee Sefen rumbled down the sideline. The entire Warriors team had stuffed the line of scrimmage. In a last ditch effort to defend the endzone, a Warriors lineman blitzes Sefen. With a massive, spiked forearm shiver, Sefen stonewalls the human lineman. With nothing but endzone ahead, Sefen trots into the endzone and knots the game at 1 - 1.

Time expires on the first half as Holy Terra cannot force New Ork off the line of scrimmage. The second half begins with Holy Terra kicking to New Ork. Fans' frustration spills onto the field, and a mob slips over the wall and onto the pitch. Brandishing signs saying 'Holy Terra Hooligans', several Skullcrushaz are assaulted by the angry human fans. Four New Ork players are stunned by fan bum rush of the field. Once the mob is cleared from the field, play resumes, mostly with New Ork's player recovering from myriad blows to their heads.

The Warriors spread thin across the line of scrimmage, and New Ork takes advantage of the tactical mistake. Matched up one on one, the orcs pummel the humans. Creating another convoy of blitzers, Snotz M'kFawlee stomps into the endzone untouched. M'kfawlee begins the taunt the Warriors, but all the Warriors could do was look on from the midfield turf, where they had been knocked.

New Ork kicks off to Holy Terra, and again, Holy Terra tries to slip a single speedster along the right sideline towards the endzone. Sefen blasts the Warrior ballcarrier into the crowd, and the furious crowd promptly beats up the Warrior. The ball bounces into Sefen's lime mits, and he pumps the ball downfield. Lineorc Grunt, who had been racing downfield, hauls in the accurate pass. Grunt turns to the endzone. No Warrior is even close to the plodding Orc, and he huffs and puffs his way into the endzone.

The fat lady, Matilda Bellows, begins singing "So Long and Thanks for the Gold", the Warriors' postgame theme. Unfortunately, the game has not yet ended, but with another Warrior turnover, New Ork takes over. New Ork wins 3 - 1, their third straight win.

The game ends, and Holy Terra's inept defense does in a team that has speed and offensive playmakers. Holy Terra played to New Ork's strengths, and New Ork punished them...physically and on the scoreboard. Holy Terra continues to struggle and slips to 1 - 0 - 4. The path to the Bloodlust Cup is not going to get any easier for Holy Terra. The Holy Terra coach, Alton, said that his team needs power and physicality and are looking for an Ogre to sign as a free agent.

For New Ork, they control their destiny as they hit the midway point in the season. With four wins, two ties and no losses, the Skullcrushaz are cruising towards the playoffs. Also, New Ork has its full roster for the next game. Woe to the Skullcrushaz next opponent. See you next week, Bloodlust Football fans!