Saturday Double Header Dynamics

Saturday was frought with peril for BFL's wizardcaster Nehemiah the Strained Thought. The BFL covered two games simultaneously: Bloody Vikings! vs. Disembowlers and Holy Terra Warriors vs. New Ork Skullcrushaz. This required that Nehemiah be teleported between each game repeatedly by the witch sisters Foxe and Abbye. Unfortunately, Nehemiah disappeared into the aether on a return trip to the Disembowlers' stadium. Apparently, Abbye became distracted by particularly gruesome decapitation by Disembowler minotaur Smash and failed to reel Nehemiah out of the teleport. If you would like to join the BFL's wizardcast team, please contact Commissioner Davesh, associate underlord and personal secretary to Our Great Doom Khorne. On to the games highlights...

For New Ork, things started well, but ended poorly. The Skullcrushaz and Warriors' game was a rematch from two weeks ago, a controversial game where Warriors' fans rioted twice and invaded the pitch. New Ork took the opening kickoff and drove the ball down the field for a quick touchdown. Holy Terra played a weak defense, close to the line of scrimmage, and this hurt them early.

Things quickly turned in Holy Terra's favor. On the next kickoff, Holy Terra pushed the ball into to the Skullcrushaz half of the pitch. The Warriors exploded out of their patented "I" formation, using catchers and blitzers to take the lead. This invasion was not met in force because the Warrior's newest player, Ogre "Big Head" Todd, distracted much of New Ork's linemen. Unfortunately, "Big Head" failed to actively earn that recognition, mostly falling flat on his back or standing idly, flinging boogers. The Orcs failed to flatten the fastest humans especially uber-Warrior, Blitzer "Grim Reaper" Granger, with their back-positioned blitzers. Granger evaded New Ork tackle zones and darted through the melees to pick up the bouncing ball. Unable to keep Granger down, the human blitzer scooted into the endzone to tie the game, 1-1. The first half ended with New Ork's players bobbling the ball around the pitch.

Holy Terra received the ball to begin the second half and picked up where they left off. So did the Warriors' lunatic fans, the Holy Terra Hooligans. Hooligans threw rocks at New Ork players, knocking Black Orc Gruum Endoom out. Down to one Black Orc, Holy Terra pushed en masse towards the Orc endzone. Quickly, the ball was flitted into the endzone and caught by pitcher "Icemand" Ingwald, and Holy Terra had its first lead of the game.

The lead was shortlived, though. New Ork punched the ball up the center of the field with a cage of greenskins, surrounding new New Orker Luhkee Sefen. Once again, the score was tied, 2-2. Holy Terra took advantage of a riot by its Hooligan fans, which stunned or knocked out several New Ork players. Down several players, New Ork battled ferociously for the ball...on its side of the pitch. Unfortunately, dropped handoffs and fumbled pass attempts by New Ork led to Holy Terra's ball recovery. Into the endzone went "Grim Reaper" Granger...again. Holy Terra once again had a lead, 3-2.

The last minutes of the game were a mad scramble for the endzone by New Ork. The ball had been hurled towards the endzone by blitzer Snotz M'kfawlee. Dropped by lineorc Wan Eye, humans pounced on Wan Eye and the ball. Holy Terra threw the ball from the endzone, but Black Ork Gruum Endoom made a miraculous interception. Gruum Endoom darted out of the Holy Terra tackle zone and threw the ball downfield. It was far enough. It was accurate enough. It was dropped. Bouncing away from the orcs, the game ended, and Holy Terra had upset the league-leading New Ork Skullcrushaz.

It was an amazing victory for Holy Terra. Despite the 3-2 win, New Ork killed Holy Terra lineman "Blade" Burr. New Ork players simply stood around, too stupid to understand what had happened. Eventually, the team beat lineorc Wan Eye into oblivion for the drops in the endzone. R.I.P. Wan Eye.

The Bloody Vikings! and Disembowlers' game was somewhat more orderly. Throughout the first half, both teams ignored the ball, beating each other as viciously as they could. The Disembowlers' minotaur Smash got the better of the norsemen, beating, breaking and busting the Vikings across the pitch.

The second half went differently. The Disembowlers pushed the ball down the field, and the uniquely agile hobgoblin Thudd rumbled into the endzone. Despite the Vikings' great blocking skills, minotaur Smash made all the difference. As the Bloody Vikings' received the kickoff, Smash went to work. The Vikings tried to go around, but chaos dwarfs and Smash caught them. The Vikings tried to go up the middle, but the Disembowlers were waiting there, too. The Vikings tried to hang back, but Smash and the Disembowlers plowed their way into the Vikings' line. The Vikings made no progress and eventually lost control of the ball to the Disembowlers. The Disembowlers sat on the ball, having Smash beat up Vikings for the remainder of the match.

The clock ticked to all zeroes, and the Disembowlers took the game with the only score of the game, 1 - 0. There wasn't much good to report for the Bloody Vikings! The Disembowlers' minotaur, Smash, continued to rack up accolades with his incredible play. At the rate that Smash continues to grow as a player, he may become a Bloodlust Football League Legend within the next three games. Will the wear and tear slow him down? Stay tuned for more Bloodlust Football League action!

Munchers & Vikings Rumble!

U watchin' BLF...uh...BFL Live.  This Ditka.  Kill Woghart kids.  Cave troll set free.  Bollocks up Wizurdcast.  Ditka kill you kids.  Ditka kill U!  Hi litez now.  Roll hi litez er Ditka smash!

Okay...thanks, Coach Ditka.  This is Boomer Berman.  It was perfect weather for the Warpstone Munchers and Bloody Vikings! game, but as Coach Ditka alluded, the students at the Wogharts School of Magic accidentally released a cave troll before the game.  Poor Nehemiah the Strained Thought, our wizardcaster for today's game, passed out during the cave troll's rampage.  Thus, we lost the transmission of the first half of the game.  Thankfully, poor Nehemiah awoke in time for the second half.  Let's pick up there.

At the start of the second half, the Vikings led 1-0 and had controlled much of the first half.  The Vikings used their strength and superior blocking skills to knock the Munchers around.  Line rat Squint Brother #3 and thrower Snicker Snik were knocked out in the first half melee.  In the second half, the Vikings, as they have done all season, got sucked into a shoving match and lost sight of scoring.  As a result, the Munchers sped past the berserker Vikings and tied the game, 1-1.

On the ensuing kickoff, the Vikings pulled the ball back onto their half of the pitch.  The Vikings tried to establish a wall of bodies before pushing forward.  Unfortunately, the Munchers' Rat Ogre, Whiskers, went wild.  Crashing into the center of the Vikings' line, Whiskers threw Norse bodies left and right as he charged forward.  Following Whiskers, gutter runners Sneaker Sneak and Skitter Skat chased down the bouncing ball.  With each Whiskers' punch, Vikings hit the pitch, sending the ball flying.  Evetually, the ball landed in Skitter Skat's paws.  Skat scurried into the endzone for the game winning touchdown.  

With little time left on the clock, the Vikings could not convert.  That's your final score, BFL fans, Munchers 2 and Vikings 1.  The Munchers roll on towards the playoffs.  Next up for the Munchers: the newest BFL team, the Disembowlers---but after the Bloody Vikings! have played the Disembowlers.  Back to Coach Ditka.

Snort....zzzzzzzzzzz.....snort....zzzz....

Disembowlers Destroy Warriors in Introduction

Welcome back, BFL fans. This is Booyah Scott, and this...is...B..F..L..Live. Booyah! The Bloodlust Football League continues to expand as many teams hit the midway point in the Winter 2008 season. This week debuted the Chaos Dwarf team, Disembowlers, coached by the enigmatic El Warpo. For a new team, the Disembowlers wasted no time gutting their opponent, the veteran Holy Terra Warriors. In typical Warrior fashion, there wasn't much defense, and the Disembowlers romped, 3-1. Let's catch up with some highlights. Booyah!

The Disembowlers' minotaur, Smash, anchored the center of the line of scrimmage most of the game. From the kickoff forward, Smash pounded his way through the Warriors' line. Bellowing a blood curtling beserker rage, many Warriors' fans, often vociferously angry, pissed their breeches---Good thing H.T.W. Stadium recently installed a urine trough that runs in front of the bleacher seats for collective relief. Booyah!

No one from Holy Terra had a chance. Holy Terra bodies went flying towards Willy and Nilly, the H.T.W. Stadium medical team. Willy and Nilly could not keep up with the number of human casualties, and by the end of the first half, two Warriors---Blade and Undertaker Ullther---were out of the game. Unfortunately for the Warriors, their blows bounced off of the the resilient minotaur and dwarven hides.

With knock outs and game ending injuries starting to mount, the Disembowlers' hobgoblin, Twinkle Toes, carried the ball into the endzone for a touchdown. Still resolved to fight, the Warriors lined up in their patented "I formation". Sprinting down the sideline, blitzers and blockers cleared the way for catcher Crazy Legs to bolt into the endzone. Clearly, the humans' speed could counter the Disembowlers' power. But Holy Terra did not press this advantage.

In the second half, Holy Terra tried desperately to lob the ball downfield to players often surrounded by Disembowlers. The Disembowlers' defense played like flies on minotaur poop---which reminds me: [Today's BFL Live! sponsor is Gorgon, natural minotaur fertilizer. Don't plant your wolfsbane gardens without it! That's Gorgon!]

Every Warrior pass went awry as the Disembowlers smashed Holy Terra to the pitch and into the stands, where they were promptly beaten up by unhappy Holy Terra Hooligans. With no Warriors back on D, Disembowlers' hobgoblins, Swifty and Thudd, each rumbled and stumbled into the endzone for the score. Booyah!

Once again, a lack of physicality and playing to the opponent's strength doomed Holy Terra. For the Disembowlers, welcome to the BFL, and congratulations on the first win. Next up, the Disembowlers have a tough match with the Bloody Vikings!, and the Holy Terra Warriors play their second match of the season with the New Ork Skullcrushaz. For now, this is Booyah Scott for BFL Live! See you soon. Booyah!

Stats Updated, November 7

Halfing scribe and Guiness Pint Record Holder for best tabulations while drunk, Phineus Phallow, continues to transcribe the Bloodlust League's weekly stats.  The addition of the Chaos Chris and newest BFL team, the Chaos Dwarf Disembowlers, has doubled his workload.  

To assist Phallow in his record keeping, he has hired several gnome from the Mechanical Numbers House, Bookkeepers.  This is the second set of assistants to be hired.  The first assistants were a pair of dubious Goblins from Da Broken Bet.  Unfortunately, both were found dead after shorting several Chaos Warriors, to whom they owed considerable sums of money.

We will have updates from the past weeks games shortly.  Stay tuned for more BFL highlights and lowlights, including a possible scandal involving Commissioner Davesh?